Pat Gunn (dachte) wrote,
Pat Gunn
dachte

Confidantebellum

When, for one reason or another, we decide to distance ourselves from parts of our heritage/upbringing/etc, it's funny how defensive we still can be when those things are attacked, rightly or wrongly. I think I understand this a bit better today, relating to a quick quip about the social class I was raised in (which I'm inclined to say is the lower end of the upper class using a model that owes a lot to Paul Fussel's model. While the specifics of the comment arn't tied to the classes, as I perceive them, by anything more than custom, the fact that it bugged me surprised me a bit - apparently I have a bit of ego tied to the vestiges of what I consider an abandoned heritage (more on this in a sec) that I wasn't aware off - I hope to understand and remove this in time.

The reason it strikes me as odd is that the values I hold oppose the upbringing I was given - I consider several of the specifics as things worthy of condemnation - having servants (even of the limited kind/duration that we did), living well beyond comfort levels (and incredibly beyond what society at large could sustainably do), tying into cabalistic upper caste societies that monopolise power, these are things I don't think I wish to repeat with any family I may create - these are also things I largely wish to end across all society.

At the same time, I have mannerisms and more that are tied into who I was and how I was raised. Sometimes they irritate the hell out of people, and a lot of the time they're not even things I think about. I don't mind some of the quirks, although I want to understand and divide things that are incidental to my past (which I might keep), things that are upper caste now that I would hope to make universally acceptable if/when the upper caste is folded back into society as large as I hope, and things that are tied to fundamental attitudes that must be eliminated for a more just society (which I hope to remove from myself).

That twinge of anger and defensiveness that I felt helps me appreciate the offendedness that other people feel around me.. and helps me be a bit more humble about the matter.

The French election has come down to Royal and Sarkozy - I'm pleased that Le Pen was removed, and wish Royal luck. There are a few areas of Royal's platform that I don't agree with, but of those that were running that I reviewed, her platform seemed the most sensible.

Today involved indian food, a nice nap in the sun (along with half of Pittsburgh) in the grassy "park" (that used to be a carpark) near Pitt, an impromtu Zets gathering (thanks to klariklari being in town for CMU Carnival - I wish Max had driven up from DC too, but one can't have everything) and .. no work or school stuff. At the park, a lot of people were talking about the VT shootings, among other things, with various bits of conversation in Hebrew, Russian, Spanish, and English.

I keep hoping for things that don't seem to be happening, and have been falling into strange places on my emotional landscape - lands of feeling where there's no words, combinations of feelings that shouldn't belong together, and other stuff.. but at least the weather's nice, and it's easy to partly turn off the brain and just relax when it's so nice out. As much as I'm committed to thinking as deeply and carefully as I can, I think on the occasions I manage to turn that off (and don't have someone say something that turns it back on), I'm generally happier.

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