Pat Gunn (dachte) wrote,
Pat Gunn

Nonvirtual Classes

Taking that Hitchcock class this semester was a really great idea - it was even better that I took it with a friend. It helped me see film in a different way, and it helped me understand why Hitchcock is so well regarded - I probably would've gotten something from watching the films on my own, but the class discussions helped a lot, as did the Prof. Now that that's over, I'm really going to miss it. I really liked Lizza's chainmail class too - I'm beginning to think that the biggest benefit to working for a University is the class benefit (although the lax atmosphere and relatively less brain-damage on average is nice too). I probably didn't do that well on the final - the questions either felt overly vague or depended on things I couldn't remember very well, but I got what I wanted from the class, and not being in a programme means that my grade doesn't really matter. I showed up at the final because getting an F would mean CMU would make me pay for the semester (ouch!) and because the test fit into my understanding of the class - that it makes me think. I suppose that wouldn't make a bad life plan - "to think". Everything else is specifics.

I have a lot of interesting possibilities ahead of me in life, and many of them require planning. No matter what I do, I still want to be taking or teaching classes on something, and that something ideally will drift in/out of being completely unrelated to my work. It's funny that this kind of life goal only gets very strong once I'm already fulfilling it, but then, I think when I was younger I didn't really understand what I need to be happy. Maybe there will be increasingly large numbers of things in my life where I'll say "This is good, and I'll miss it unless I try to keep it in the future".

I've been a bit bummed about some aspects of my personal life that relate to necessary secrets - I've only rarely had a confidante outside of the people I dated, and there are times when I think I could really use one, but to really have it work, I'd need a certain unity of value and absolute trust, and I understand human nature a bit too well to give anyone that level of trust (especially when it needs similarity of values to work). I think I could only be trusted in cases where the public good is at most a remote concern and nobody is being hurt/decieved in a significant and emotionally meaningful way - giving others more loyalty than that wouldn't fit my values. I wonder, given my thoughts on loyalty, if I'm the sort of person I would trust as a confidante. If not, is that a sign that something's off-kilter somewhere? Anyhow, I'm both bothered by the thing and by the fact that I have to keep it secret - I've made my life a bit of an experiment where I have as much openness as possible, probably naval-gazing and talking more than is healthy for myself or my social self. Given that tradition, it feels wrong as much as many other things to have things I can't talk about. Oh well. C'est la vie.

I might be in the Cleveland/Brecksville area this coming weekend. If anyone wants to get together, drop me a line and I'll let you know for sure (this might give me more incentive to go too)..


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