Pat Gunn (dachte) wrote,
Pat Gunn

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Reentrance out of Virtualisation

Embarassing(?) angst...I've been everything today, admitted jealousy, had two more lonely meals, felt the pain of loss for things I never let myself vie for moving away, seen a microcosm, and repeated some of the same things that put me where I am. Somehow, it feels more real than the first time, or maybe it's just that it's real enough and immediate. Funny, that actually could apply to more than one thing. On one side, it's sad to be liked for an interesting toy, but if I don't reach out, how can I expect many to reach in.. I wish I had said what I wanted to say.. all taken together, it feels like waking up for the first few days after a breakup.

I keep wishing I could weave together time in strange ways to give myself a happier past... it seems that I have trouble sustaining happiness for very long with these conflicting needs. Sooner or later when alone I tend to find myself back in this place..

Unrelated, my experiment is done and approved and will soon be ready for subjects for behavioural-only testing. The timing is pretty rotten with most of the students gone for the summer...


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