Pat Gunn (dachte) wrote,
Pat Gunn
dachte

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GWar and Peas

Today:Fixed my laptop bag (well, really just found a new way to adopt to its brokenness - I managed to attach the shoulder strap to the hand straps), then walked out to Frick park to spend most of the day there. I finished Murakami's Kafka on the Shore. I came to strongly identify with one of the characters - not the one the reader was meant to identify with, and the ending was really satisfying for that POV. Afterwards, I just sat for an hour or so, enjoying the occasional dog that came by and the rain. After each bit of rain (because of which I moved to be under a tree), the wind brought a complex mix of fragrances by that made me feel as if I were sitting in a large bottle of nice wine. The shape of the land carried all the sound from the plains-valley to everyone else... Afterwards, a walk full of memories.. how many people I've walked down those paths with.. I like Frick park more than I like Schenley, and oddly I go there less often because of it - maybe it's to keep thinking of it as a treat.. I can almost hear voices there from those past conversations.. it breathes life into something that stuck in my mind - that someone was thinking of moving from Pittsburgh because everywhere they went, the memories had become too thick.

Last night, I reached out to someone who I think feels similarly to me on some matters heavy on my mind. I'm not sure how much being in a similar place really builds ties though.. time tells, I suppose.

I've grown sad every time recently that I've heard people who say "I can't see how anyone might see things in that way", whatever the way, whatever their perspective and however close it is to mine. Similarly - an attempt to interpret other people's actions in terms of one's own framework rather than considering the multitudes of possibilities in perspective, desires, value frameworks, morality, and specific judgements. It feels like people are turning their back on growth when they insist that other people be close variants of themselves. But then, to grow that way is to take on a burden, and enough of those burdens is more a difficulty than a pleasantry.

I think part of that is why I can't really get very angry when in the past I've been emotionally neglected/abused (not talking about my childhood here) - I've been able to understand why people said/did/thought the things they did, and that understanding usually made what probably would've been anger into a sadness (which I don't usually show in person unless I'm near some kind of a breaking point and I feel very close to someone). Maybe that usually led people to not understand how much some things hurt me, or even made them think that I didn't care - normally another person's anger causes a visceral reaction that one is "pushing one's luck" or similar.

The sky is really neat tonight. I wish the city lights didn't obscure it so much.

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