Pat Gunn (dachte) wrote,
Pat Gunn

Mirrors and Foci

I've been thinking about how some people tend to act as a social focus for some purpose or another, in particularly how they bring together people who wouldn't get together on their own, either physically or to some topic/event. Sometimes these gatherings are great fun, but somehow looking other people in the eyes and saying "hey, let's do N" just doesn't feel right - perhaps it's for these people, nothing is forbidden? No, I don't think that's quite it -- it may just be that they're good at being a driving force for some things. There are some people with whom I can have a great conversation about philosophy once it gets started, but there's usually no tinder around, other people with whom I might like hanging out but again lack tinder. Strange... except maybe not so strange in that it happens all the time to plenty of people. It feels odd to call things intrinsic to human (social) nature strange - from what perspective do we operate? Then again, that perspective isn't all visible at once - we retain a bit of the child in us - the preference for simplistic models of self and other, and so deeper perspective we gain later can feel a bit of an affront we'd like to dismiss as not being entirely real...

Writing more code for analysis of my experiment. Nothing exciting. On one hand I like fully understanding the domain I'm coding for, but on the other hand it's gotten really dull. Still trying to figure out what to do with my life.. the status quo is becoming increasingly intolerable, but I'm not sure how much of that is because of stuff inside of and intrinsic to me, and how much is stuff I could change by moving to a new place/job/etc. Quite apart from that, I don't know if I can overcome inertia without feeling substantial hope for the future, something that hasn't been in ready supply for years. Right now, all this means is that I'm sending out feelers in several directions and seeing if I can tease myself into getting excited about any of the possibilities. In the past, opportunities for happiness seemed to drop into my lap every so often without my really needing to do anything.. that doesn't seem to be happening now though, so I need to take a more active role.

I'm presently rereading Lovecraft in my travel queue while I get ready for more serious reading. I decided to take both Mao and Torah out of my regular travel queue to both avoid damage to the books and because they tend to get odd looks from people who see me with them. That's kind of amusing in itself though, and very occasionally Mao has led me to interesting conversations with Chinese folk. I find myself wondering if any of my readers have had interesting experiences with controversial books along these lines.


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