Pat Gunn (dachte) wrote,
Pat Gunn
dachte

Am I pretty?

I dunno. I just needed a topic. I don't find myself attractive, but perhaps to other peoples' standards of beauty, I might be spiffy looking. It's difficult for me to get outside of my perspective on this. Evangelicals, I'm chuckling at you right now -- there's no absolute standard of beauty, just like there's no absolute standard of morality. Socialization and statistics, I love yas. Still, it would be nice to be attractive to oneself -- I occasionally get depressed about not looking like the kind of guys I find attractive. Oh well.

Car is fixed. I was going to go with Lorie and two of her SFF friends to outland, but it turned out that she has work early tommorow. *shrug* Maybe some other time. Instead, we went and grabbed a bite to eat, and then went to town addiction. It's bizarre -- I relate to her in almost the same way that I relate to Jason. Except sometimes I see something in her mannerisms (was going to say her eyes, but that was a fluffy and stupid 'spiritual' metaphor that plagues too much of society and leads to religion) that looks like fear. Perhaps it's hard for her to trust males, perhaps it's her discomfort with my being friends with Jason, or perhaps it's something else. I don't see myself actually getting as close to her as I am with Jason -- intuition says that this kind of moderate friendship is where things will stay. It's scary -- I'm almost co-dependant on Jason. There's no romantic connection, but after not seeing him for a few days, I feel an urge to stop over and say hi. I wonder if this is a bad trend. Perhaps it isn't -- I think, at least for the time I've known him well, that I've really gotten into his head, and have a certain fondness for him. He's kind of like a brother to me. Well, that's a bit silly -- I'm not close to my immediate family. But, kind reader, you hopefully will forgive me this silliness. There's also some sad things happening in Jason's life, and I actually am kind of depressed about it. But, although I generally am open about everything, there's an implied expectation of privacy in this matter, so I won't give any more details to you, Joe Random Internet User.

Also, felt yet another jolt of pain related to Martha -- we stopped by my place afterwards and I was showing her my archive of SFF Sentient posts, and then while dropping her off, she asked if I wanted to go inside while she grabbed her stuff to be dropped off at her bf's. There's still a faction of me that's intensely curious and in love focused on martha, and it pained me and made me feel dizzy. I didn't go in. Argh. I'm glad she doesn't, AFAIK, have a webjournal, or else I'd no doubt have a very painful time feeling compelled to read it.

I seem to be feeling very creative recently. Huzzah. Lots of work on my webpage, philosophy, and all that. I've been writing a bit of stuff that feels like poetry. And, unlike my earlier abortive attempts at poetry while I was dating martha, it doesn't make me cringe when I read it.

Oh, Leon and Quealy came to the last philosophy thing. It was a very large meeting. I think Leon liked it more than Quealy did. Later that night, they both came to my apartment, and we all played worms for a bit. I don't think Quealy had a good time there either. So, Q, if you're reading this, sorry for making last Friday miserable. I was hoping you'd enjoy it more. Leon seemed to enjoy it -- hopefully he wasn't just being diplomatic.

Earlier today, went with Jeff to a Library book sale, and then to the Book Loft (cool bookstore in german village). Got several spiffy books, mostly at the book sale ($1 for as many books as could fit in one bag).

Regarding the EE job, the guy hasn't actually turned in his 2 weeks notice yet. I hope that this job is still a possibility -- I really want this job. Things to do when I get the job:

  • Consider moving closer to campus, so I could bike to work
  • Get a bike
  • Go to the Garden and the Chamber, to get cool toys and stuff
  • Buy a Nintendo Gamecube
  • Buy my car off of my parents, so they can't threaten me with it anymore
  • Seperate cage for Frank
  • Amazon wishlist
  • Set up my dedicated server
  • Publish my philosophy

The last item is actually doable -- there's a website for a publisher that'll handle all this for $200 or so. It'd be orderable through Amazon, and be professionally bound and all that. Hooplah!

Signing off for now

Tags: friends, work
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