Finally, I have my network all healthy again -- yesterday,Jason came over, and I swapped the new kryten back into itsrightful place as my NAT system, and larkin is back behind it.
I've been toying with concepts of time again.. not a goodtopic for philosophy.. Largely, I've been wondering, althoughour notion of the past and future are probably necessary foruseful thought, are they perhaps necessary delusions? In whatsense is the past or future real? There is no way I can accessthe past -- it can only be inferred.. but never confirmed exceptby memory, and that confirmation is built on the back of a causaltie which, when we're doubting this, is itself suspect. Why do Ieven still have this inclination to try to ground philosophy ontofirmament? It must be leftovers from before I made that relevationon math and logic -- they're not absolute, nor could they ever be.They're systems we build, and they could be different, and we alterthem when useful. Yet, in making this simple statement, one stepseffortlessly beyond Kant and his supporters -- people who won'tlet the universe talk, attempting to dominate the conversation.Science and logic depend on being willing to both listen and speakto the universe, and regardless of how pretty our logic is, if itdisagrees with the universe, we lose.
I think I really was a lot happier in the past, and I can traceall the things that have changed that took some of the happinessout of my life. I miss University -- I loved learning new thingsall the time, and the kind of intellectual energy that covered thepeople there. Now I'm dealing with finances, and entering a routine.Of course, there's still that failed relationship. I wonder if sheever looks back, and wonders "what if?". Life is like a home whoserightful owners have departed and the neighbors just stop by occasionally.Well, it's not that bad, really, but I really am going to find a toughtime finding someone who is right in as many ways. Insomnia is anotherhuge thing I lack in my life... the coffeeshop. Fortunately, it lookslike the tide may return that to us, in some form or another -- Iheard that some of the staff are starting to pull back together foranother go at a campus coffeeshop. Huzzah! I'm still feeling some wanderlust,and I suppose I've been wondering -- if I had the opportunity to go tothe past, erasing everything that happened after the return point, wouldI do it (provided I get to choose the return point)? I believe I would doit -- there's more than one point I might choose, but anyone who knows meprobably knows when I would want to emerge. Well, .. no, I can't say thatfor sure. There's only one person other than me that could say with goodcertainty, and one person who might be able to make a pretty good guess.Other folks might be able to guess it if they get lucky. I realize thatvery few people could say that they have even a 'fair' understanding ofme, and only through collaborative efforts could people even get to a'good' understanding.
Last weekend, I talked with Jessica at Outland. I suppose I can say thatmy crush is now tempered to a moderate attraction. She certainly isintelligent, but not remotely of the 'enlightenment' style of personalitythat I get along well with. She has a very fatalistic view of thefuture and nature of humanity. I don't know if I really could deal withnihilism of her form for any length of time. Admittedly, she was a bitdrunk, so perhaps she's not always quite so fatalistic, but it's at leastsuggestive of an unhappy worldview. I suppose in recent times, I'vebeen edging closer to the transhumanist position.
Here's a song I often hear at Outland that's stuck in my head.Oddly, something about the chorus, perhaps it's phrasing, makesan odd impression on me.
Bebornbeton::Truth::Another WorldThere is no use in dyingWhen still I seem to be undoneThere is no use in trying to find againThe love of someone
Where have I gone and come so farWell, I've been headed nowhereI have been walking quite a while alongFeeling lonesome
CHORUS: / Don't you worry,they won't find my bodyI want you to knowI found peace in another worldDon't keep digging,I want you to leaveback away from the placewhere my ashes are buried /
I still can hear you breathingAs if you'd never gone awayI still can feel your touch,your tendernessAs if you were still there
There is no sense in cryingOnly liquid running from my eyesAnd all the feelings I restrainare the Remainders that survived
Finally, I've been working on the next revision of my website. Apartfrom my netdiary, all the old content should be considered very staleand dead. Version 6 is simpler, better looking, and is just nicer.Of course, I only have some parts of it done. When I have more portionsof it ready, I might put it, semi-incomplete, up somewhere.