June 7th, 2003

Semiformalishmaybe

Joie de vivre

And then the wizard, with the material components finally at hand,did cast the spell, and holly came back to life. Still, the networkwas shy, but it was again as whole as it had been for awhile.

Semiformalishmaybe

Emptying the self

Yesterday, as I was taking a load from my old place to the new, Iwas thinking about what a person could tell about me by looking atwhat I had in the apartment at that time. Every load I took away,the distinctness that is me fades. I then thought about ideas ofreincarnation, and how it might feel a bit like that to transitionbetween lives. Fantasy, true, but imagination is important, even ifit's not always fruitful.

Today I moved the last of the stuff out of the apartment proper, atleast of the stuff I'm taking. Torgo and kryten will be sharing amonitor from now on, and probably a keyboardtoo -- I ordered a KVM off of EBay a few days ago to make that easier.Kryten's old monitor is, thus, staying behind. It works out for thebest this way -- the monitor I left is larger, has poorer resolution(torgo's monitor is a very neat 12" (or is it 10"?) server monitorthat can do 1024x768).

I've abandoned Starbucks, in favour of a place called Coffee Tree.It's not far from Starbucks, has better tea, and has tables right outfront, so people can sit outside. Sometimes I see other people fromZets there, or walking by, which is nice. The prices are a lot bettertoo, actually. I guess I've come to the conclusion that big chainstend to be a negative force. The stores don't always suck -- as a matterof fact, offhand I think about half of them are decent, but they reducediversity, so when a bad chain comes along, it strangles a local market.That's dangerous -- if there were six coffeeshops around, I'd just avoidthe ones I dislike. However, when there are 4 starbucks and Coffee Tree,it really makes me worry. What if Coffee Tree wern't here? What if I likeda different blend than either offered? I guess I need to revise my previousthoughts on stores I like -- I used to suggest that Meijer take over everywhere,because I really like that store, that it has a lot of stuff I'd otherwiseneed to make trips to seperate stores to get. However, there really aredifferent preferences, different markets, and all that, and Meijer isn't foreveryone.

I'm angry that DSL still isn't up for me. How long do I need to wait?I'm calling Verizon on monday to complain, unless it's up by then.Maybe I'm just ignorant of how it's set up, but I don't see any reasonthey couldn't've turned on my DSL on Hobart at the same time they turnedon phone service here.

Again, I find that I've jotted down a lot of my interesting thoughts onpaper, and I don't really want to bother transcribing them right now.

  • shrug*
Today, while unpacking some more stuff, I came across some old photos ofMartha and I on a New York trip we took with Dave and Aug. It broughtback memories that I had buried for awhile. I also came across some photosof Debb and I, and got kinda sad and mad at the same time. I wonder whyit's different.

I did find out something neat today -- I was using my DVD player toidentify CDs I had burned, and was surprised to find that it can playMP3 CDs. The directory browser's a bit awkward on it, but it's a veryneat discovery. I then found out that it can display images on CDs too.If only my CD player were the one I intended, I'd burn a lot moreCDs full of MP3s. Still, it's a welcome surprise.

I find myself missing Charles, and also a couple of artists who I probablyshouldn't name, who are friends of his. I still don't think that what hedid was a good thing, but I think it's time I forgive him. I'm not surewhat we really could have now, as a lot of the manifestation of ourfriendship is impossible now, given that I'm about 200 miles away fromcowtown, but the time has certainly come for me to at least lift thebar on my part.

Semiformalishmaybe

Am I happy?

I find myself wondering that. Have I had a good life? I guess I'mreminded of a kind of horrific thing that happened in WW2 -- theNazis made people choose between people they knew who would live andwho would die. Such a cruel choice -- I don't have any idea how Icould choose between my 'animal kids', Beefalo and Wally, who would die,much less actual humans. And yet, if the alternative would be to haveeveryone die, a choice needs to be made. So, if I were grouped with abunch of people, would I sacrifice myself so that noone else would needto make that choice? Have I lived a good life? Will I likely havefulfillment in the future? What do I have that I consider important?

  • I have a good job, doing things that are important and interesting
  • I'm on track to improve myself with education and hopefully eventually a PhD, which should lead to a career's worth of academic research in a field I love
  • I presently have no SO, and am only starting to make friends, both at least partially because I'm shy. This is hard for me to deal with.
  • I'm living in a really nice city. Pittsburgh is very pretty, and, unlike Columbus, seems to have a lot more variety in who's around. I love that there are people from all over Europe that drift through here

That really didn't help, and there are lots of other little things.Oh well. Jury's hung :)

My feet have been hurting recently because of all they've been putthrough. It's just general soreness though, no particular areas. Still,it's a lot of fun to walk around squirrel hill, or to work. Hey! What'sthat smell ... I'm smelling some good cooking. Hmm.. Must be theneighbors. It's awoken my stomach, so I guess I'd better go make myselfsomething too :) Maybe I'll try the Palek Paneer in a box that I gota few days ago.

Bye