June 23rd, 2003


Holding back Death

Just woke up from a dream. In it, I had an adopted sister, severelydisabled, with a missing limb, a damaged face, and some mental problems.She was slowly dying, but the doctors were doing their best to keepher alive. She had her own area of something I recognized as 'the house',a big bed with a curtain and a guardrail, and she tended to stayentirely behind it. She could stand up back in there, and I would visither often, trying to keep her happy. She kept on getting infections wherethe missing limb was, and I knew it was a matter of time before she died,but I really really cared about her, and somehow the pain and loveare still with me, after having woken up. What do I do with that?

After I got home, I was really really tired, so I hopped into bed for a nap.A nap became sleep, and so from 17:00 to 23:45 or so, I slept. Now I'm notnearly as tired. What do I do with the rest of the night? Hmm. Maybe Itry to sleep for the next 7 hours. Maybe I walk out to the local 24-hourrestauraunt, or walk around Squirrel Hill for the first time in the deepevening. I wish I knew where my flashlight was -- I'd go out on the trails.Maybe I will anyhow.

o/~ we walk but once among the livingso no regrets and no misgivingIt's hard to dance when you're down upon your knees o/~ - Firewater - Dark Days Indeed