August 7th, 2003

Semiformalishmaybe

Bus Wipers

I noticed, while heading back from Coffee Tree today, that Busses havestrange windshield wipers, at least by car standards. Instead of pivoting,they go over the windows like a broom.

So, yesterday's accident ... let me explain in more detail. I was headingto Sree's in SqHill, to grab dinner, and I was dodging a pedestrian. Unfortunately, I didn't dodge quite well enough, and had to slow downto avoid hitting a garbage can. Well, I was going downhill, and wasn'taware that bike brakes are tricky to apply while going downhill. In short,the bike did a somersault, and unlike last week's near hit by a car, thistime I didn't land on my feet. It must've been quite magestic though -- I wasflying straight forward through the air, probably looking like superman.No flight powers here though -- I hit the ground with my chin and hands.My chin bled quite a bit, and my hands were really messed up. I was shakinga bit from the pain. Sree's wasn't even open.. *sigh* (wasn't open todayeither, hmm....). So, I delicately made my way back home and, as is my customwhen I don't feel well, went to sleep. I woke up in time for Zets though.

There was a Zapme after Zets.. it was a funny britcom, but it was on a topicthat I'm always sensitive -- betrayals in relationships. Even though I'mnot in one, and indeed don't even have any 'prospects' apart from someoneI see every so often in passing who isn't interested (no, it's notN, who I have found out is unfaithful for disturbing reasons -- someone else)Anyhow, yeah, something about hearing about, or seeing depicted, someonewho is unfaithful to their SO, even being too familiar with someone else..it's like an icepick in my brain. I think the roots of this are pre-Debb,although her lack of loyalty probably enchanced it. When I see it in a movieor on TV, I can just feel myself getting tense, emotional, and all that.I think it's one of my biggest fears, and perhaps the easiest emotionalhotspot by which I can be played with. And, of course, I've had people playwith it before..

Anyhow, yesterday I also spoke with someone who I never thought I actuallywould speak with. Not really a mirror image, but similar enough that itreally would've been interesting to see what might've come, had circumstancesbeen different. I suspect eventually, a bunch of good-natured ribbingbetween people who think they're living purer lives than each other. Maybe,in some fashion, that still can be had, along with the other things. It'sall probably about learning to untangle a complication that emotionallyshould be there but logically and in view of best results, should not.

And, perhaps, someone who I judged harshly doesn't deserve such harshjudgement. I am judgemental, as those of you who know me, know. Some peoplefind the notion of judgemental moral relativists to be odd. Get to know me.It won't seem so odd. I'll explain it to you. :)

It rained *really* hard today as I was heading home. Quite amazing -- thestreets are flooding in some places. .. And my wounds.. My chin is a bitswollen, my jaw hurts a bit after all the chewing of a meal... and whereit hit the ground, it's still raw and a bit ugly. My right hand is mostlyok -- it's not nearly at full strength, and hurts a bit, but it's, all thingsconsidered, my good hand, and probably will be ok tomorrow. My left hand is abit of a mess. For most of today, typing was really unpleasant, and I can'tcarry anything with any weight at all in it. I lifted my bookback off theground a few minutes ago, and it hurt quite a lot. Still, it's mobile enoughto type now, and with any luck, it'll be where the right hand is now withina few days. It also looks rather unpleasant -- swollen, with a very visiblebruise and some spots where arteries show that shouldn't. Oh well.

The last few days have been good for reflection. I'm thinking about the lifestylechanges I'll need to be making soon when school starts again. It's not going tobe easy doing fulltime work and taking two classes. I'm going to need to getbetter at getting to bed on time so I won't be tired while I'm trying to learnstuff. With studying also stuck back into my life, I'm going to have lesspersonal time to program, read, and all that. Still, I should have plentyof time for that, as well as PUSH -- it'll just switch from there beinghuge margins for error to there just being moderate margins. It helps, I think,to live relatively like a monk. Heck, maybe I'll meet someone, and they'lltake some more time and stuff. Still, in the end, I think that'd be a goodthing -- it's easier to live when one feels that there isn't a huge area oflife that's unfulfilled and not going anywhere. :)

I have two things that I want to chew on for purpose of essays..One is exactly my vision of what a good philosophic life looks like.. I'vewritten on this before, but I have new ideas to weave in, and I want tomake it a good quality writing, and the other is a nice, more unifiedcritique and discussion of capitalism, consumerism, and all that.

Alas, I can't think of such things right now, because I have a reallyadorable cat sitting on my lap, looking up at me with fantasticallycute green eyes. I'm so happy that he's in my life. Apart from the aspectof him leaving special presents all over the apartment that keep me fromforgetting where the mop and paper towels live, I trust him completely.I even gave him his own email address recently. How many cats do you knowof that can claim that?