October 13th, 2003


Carcass of June

And so you withdraw, pulling back, letting the game take its own shape in yourabsense. It's the only fair thing, you say, and you wash your hands of it, thedrips from your flailing limbs forming the smiles on improvrished children, ofnew civilizations. Meanwhile, the plant, the central focus of the old worldbegins to rot, its carcass falling over, crying for its lost parent, even asit dwindles, its edges blur, and the earth reclaims it. You sigh -- you lovedit, and it's hard to let go of a way of life, bot today's icons make tomorrow'slumber, and thursday's garden soil. The plants, they're always there, watchingus, judging us. An eternal judge? No, judges are as finite as possible. Onlythosee that really live can understand what life means. You want to touchinfinity, I want to touch finity, the briefest life. The old is not sacred,and even the most aged creatures still take breaths, still have that vitalityto postpone things another day.

I cannot see the edge of the lake -- you spoke the words, and the mist in yourbreath has made for me a fog. The words, they imprison us with the softestmanacles. In an age where technology drives for harder, more complex locksand timepieces, you've found the sundials and the stars, where we strive tospeak louder and more rapidly, you learn a new economy of words. Funny, thatword economy there, how it dances its meanings above and below. You can'tstand there with a candy cane, and claim to be mother nature. Death is somethingwe try so hard to understand, but always there's some doubt, some disbelief.iYou don't know if the new concepts are ready to be applied yet, but I tellyou, now's the time, if ever. And so another song enters the world, a cry ofpain and misery, and a programmed peace.

Anyhow, I'm pissed at myself. Crushes suck -- I keep making a fool of myself,on reflection, to people I have a crush on. Sooner or later, it's going tobite me pretty hard, I think.


The smell of burnt bridges

Ahh, love, music, politics, science... I guess that's what life reducesdown to, perhaps... (grin)

The president of South Korea is holding a referendum on his own replacement,indicating that if the voters tell him to, he's out. Interesting tactic --if he wins, he'll come out the stronger, and has a chance to change hispower base and goals (depending on how it works out). If he fails, he'lllook really silly.. but that's always part of politics. A thought -- howdoes the South Korean situation compare to the Taiwanese one?

Some studies on the psychology of rejection. In particular, theneed for intent to be inferred is fascinating, and ties into evolutionarybiology, an interesting field. On a similar note, had still another onlineconversation with a theist who felt the need to try out the latest lines heheard about how to argue with atheists on me. After a bit, he stormed off.Sorry dude -- your canned lines arn't impressive.

I recently found another hilariously bizarre thing online... *drumroll*How about ....The Red Army Choir sings "Down Under"Understand that I had to go through some hoops to get this out of theirritating format it was in and make it available for you. If you can'tplay ogg files, too bad :) Upgrade your sound program or something.

I lost my credit card, so I cancelled it and sent for a new one. Oh well,at least, for now, I have a moderate amount of money in the bank, so mydebit card will work.

Finally, as the topic, and last night's funky journal entry providescontext to, I've decided to light a symbolic bridge on fire, so I won'tbe burned trying to cross it later. There's still a chance that I mightlose, and a much slimmer chance that I might win, but more important isthat I get all of myself on the same page. I'm sure, reader, that you'veoccasionally had some pretty strong opinions on something that reallyshove you around in multiple directions. There's only so much turbulencethat one can take.. so sometimes it really can help, even if it appearsfoolish from the outside, to box oneself into one choice. It's possibleto undo any decision, should one prove to have been rash or irrational,but a temporary finality, as it were, can make life easier. :)

I was thinking about writing my counterargument to this out, but I have too manyother things to do (homework, studying, gah!).