June 20th, 2004



Fingers in the skull, lightly playing the mind, like on a piano..A memory.. a movie, Forrest Gump, and others... seeing it in agroup. SFF.. yes, a fond memory. A group of friends, nostalgia..We all went and did things together.. such a good friendship.I miss those times. I regret that I ever closed myself off fromthem while I was still there. I didn't deal well with the pain ofa failed relationship, and let it take too much out of me. If I haddone differently, who knows what might've happened.. The present isvery fragile, and chances are good I wouldn't've ended up in Pittsburgh,and it's so hard to judge these things. I might be a very differentperson in that circumstance. I've learned so much, as a student of life,and at CMU, and made some relationships here that I treasure. In time,I hope to build memories to rival what I had there. I haven't really feltthat I fit somewhere here .. until recently.

I just got back from the dinner party, and .. felt like I have touched akindred soul (I'm allowed to speak figuratively, I think). It's stunning.What a beautiful mind. The food was good too .. actually, it was amazinglygood. Two very good cooks and me. I have some very tasty, healthy leftovers.

After leaving, I stopped by Coffee Tree and read a bit more Trotsky -- thissection was about the various levels of Communism and the difficulties theSoviet Union faced in attempting to build itself to a post-Capitalist systemwith high economy of labour from one of the most backward economies in thewest. The analysis is quite frank and fascinating, although I do wonder if he(and Marx) really could anticipate how clever the capitalists are. Trotskyquoted Marx in saying that Communism would start with the French, continuewith the Germans, and finish with the British, with the Russians far behind.I don't accept Marx's notion of the inevitability of Communism -- I think thatif it is to happen, it will need to be struggled for, and that that struggleis not guaranteed actors. Further, even should struggle begin, I don't thinkvictory is inevitable. Capitalism is pushed by very clever, wealthy, powerfulpeople who are better educated and better at manipulating people than thecommon person, and these people may be able to sustain the current system ormove society to another system indefinitely. I can, however, understand whyif revolution is to come, it must come quickly -- as society were to reorderitself into socialist patterns, it would likely have a temporary weaknesswhich capitalist-controlled forces would seek to unbalance. (Just woke up fromlast night's slumber -- must've fallen asleep while writing this) .. It was pretty cold out, so I didn't actually stay very long.

Mhh... I would sacrifice a lot if I could make last night's dreams cometrue.

Anyhow, now that it's morning, I guess I'm going to do some cleaning andeventually go rock climbing. My normal partners are out of town, but oneof their girlfriends has gotten into it so I'll be going with her, some ofher friends, and maybe some people from my workplace.



I just got back from a very brief visit to the Wall -- the peopleI was going to climb with didn't show, so I bouldered for a bit.While there, I was surprised to hear the most amazing conversationbetween a really young kid who's fairly often there (he's an amazingclimber) and a middle-aged guy. It was surprising -- they actuallywere talking like two sophisticated adults (apart, na klar, from the voices).It was pretty neat.

Mmm... the seasoned olives I came with last night are very tasty.Well, off to run, and then maybe I'll hang out at Coffee Tree or 61C..