February 24th, 2005


Gazing on Closed Doors

I scroll through my phone looking for someone to call, gazing at thefancy display, the list of people I know and have known in my life. Thelazy gaze of a couch potato with the remote, the desperate gaze of anaddict at a smoker. A look of pain crosses the eyes, they close, and thephone closes shortly afterwards. Due to short-sightedness, I have forgottenmy distractions -- without power for my laptop, it is soon to be a mass ofplastic and metal, and I cannot cope with that finity, so I put it back away.Someone who irritates me and is overly friendly and talkative is someone Iforget to be rude to, so he comes to irritate me for awhile. I wish, constantlyas he talks, that he would leave and never talk to me again, but there isno way to say that, so I bear his conversation until he goes. My mind iselsewhere, as I walk home. So many doors in life, so many that are closed nowthat I wish were not, and others that never were open I wish were. People Ihave loved, some I still do, who now are paired to someone else, or out ofreach. Friends I have lost touch with, times that I've had that I deeply longhaving again.

My musical accompaniment is similarly bleak.No Use For a Name's Room 19.

I've also been thinking about a short list of things that would create ahealthier capitalist society, not that such a society could ever be fullyhealthy, mind you. I'd share, but it's not quite done yet and also its formatreally is better suited towards when I have the next version of POUND up.Which is .. actually not too long in the future. RSS/Atom support are stillincomplete and untested, but when they're done, even though there may be somefunctionality loss, up it'll go. Hurrah.

I had a Doctor checkup today. Apparently, he's worried that I'm losing too muchweight. I also got some medicine for my headaches which may help me out.