April 17th, 2006


Avoiding the Dream Wife

Last night, when I went to sleep, I dreamed that I was on a train with a really cute girl whose eyes shone with intelligence (in the same way everyone I have ever dated seemed, and a few other people besides who I've either befriended or been attracted to). I had my arm around her, and felt deep love and happiness for her... and it came to me that I was married to her and all was good. I hated to wake up from that dream, and now I'm afraid to go back to sleep, because if she's not real, I don't know if I want to see her.

On a deeper level, I think this might be tied to how I'm kind of afraid to date right now, despite some recent opportunities. Apart from a few people I've had crushes on who I think would make a good match (and which may instead be biology overriding good sense), I am unwilling to meet new people to date because I feel that the chance of someone random making a good match for me is very very low.

I'm meeting with my future landlord monday morning to put down a deposit and sign a lease (hopefully, provided he gets it done), and I'm planning to actually begin a prorated beginning of the lease this coming friday or saturday, giving me *plenty* of time to move. I hope to get a fair amount of it moved next weekend, so I can arrange for carpet repair of my current place soon enough that I won't need to bother my landlord with even knowing it was damaged in the first place. The final parts of the move depend heavily on how quickly the DSL transition works out. Moving is actually .. kinda fun, especially the moving in part.

All in all, I'm pretty happy. Nothing at all has changed, I'm just free of cold-weather depression. Hurrah!

On the Accordion front, I've played a few times, mostly in the various parks, and I've had a ball each time. I basically play whatever comes to mind, which so far has been a mix of

  • The Internationale (which I can play reasonably well, relatively speaking)
  • Soviet National Anthem
  • Le Marseilleise
  • Deutschland Uber Alles
  • Hey Unyem
  • Music for the Royal Fireworks
  • Other random classical music
  • Ha'Tikvah (which I can also play reasonably well)
  • The Entertainer (Scott Joplin's)
I think I could attempt to play just about any song I know (and I know a *lot* of songs, having a really good memory for music), but I seem to be bad at remembering a list of songs I actually know. If I took my music player with me simply for a list of song titles, that'd be a great boon in helping me organise these things :) To be able to recall something is often quite different than being able to enumerate all things so known..

Karmic Fulcrum

You can do this and be rich, they tell me. I've heard it in various flavours from family and others, various schemes to make lots of money.. and I keep feeling irritated, because I don't really want to be rich. I want to suck up as much knowledge as I can, and think deeply about it, and pass that knowledge on to other people, making them think. Provided I am living comfortably and I have some security, I don't need money. There are some things that having more money would be handy for (and having a house would be nice, and more money would make it happen faster), but it's not a major concern, because my focus in life is more inward than outward.

So, today, after one small possibly nice deed, I drove out to investigate/fix some network problems of some people I know. When I was nearly there, I noticed my cellphone was missing, and grumbled to myself that whenever I try to do something really nice for someone, something incidental *always* happens to me. The phone turned up, courtesy of a stranger, much later in the night, but still. Ahh, but no matter. Today was still a most excellent day, the highlight being a very pleasant nap on the CMU cut around 18:00. I never want this summer to end (even though it's hardly begun) .. and it reminds me that although I have the right job, it's in the wrong place. Any house I would buy in Pittsburgh would (or at least should) be just temporary until I can find a place that won't make me want to die every winter. I like Pittsburgh, but the weather is misery given form.

The dance has built up in me again, and I *must* go to some kind of Techno/Goth/Darkwave soon. This probably means Ceremony here, because I want to be careful with money until the dual-rent and carpet repair stuff is ironed out. After that, I should visit NYC and Cowtown.

I must resist the urge to argue economics until I'm blue in the face with invisible-hand-is-always-healthy-and-right folk... and arguing with other folk too. Recently, I've failed at this, because unlike a lot of other people, I enjoy a good debate and have trouble remembering that other people don't (especially if I call them on their BS and dirty argument tricks). I could probably argue with Isildur for days on end (and it'd be, no doubt, really interesting to do so), but anyone else around would probably want to flee screaming..

I am irritated to find that, while the XIM/scim stuff is awesome, some software, notably Openoffice and anything written in Java, don't work with it. Nothing I have in Java can even display unicode, and Openoffice does its own input processing (which doesn't work for me). Meh.