May 12th, 2009

tired

Lost and Sought

While checking up on our test boxes in the CMCL, I heard a quiet knock on the door, and faced Marcel, Kwan-Jin, and a contractor coming to check out the lab space they're taking from us (Gates move) that will become CMU's onsite research MRI centre. They were surprised to see me there (I was a bit surprised that Marcel remembered my name)... I'm not sure if I'm projecting, but mixed with the normal warmth between people who love neuropsych might've been a bit of pity. I'm really not doing what I want to be doing, jobwise, even as I'm very qualified as a systems programmer. I suppose that's a running theme in life though - I keep thinking that if only things had gone a bit differently in a few points, I'd have an awesome life and be a reasonably awesome person. Instead I'm just barely getting by and it doesn't take a lot to put me in a depressive fugue that theatens to sink the boat. Sigh. I really miss neuropsych, and I really miss those times in my life where I felt a deep tie with someone.

Honesty and masks: Collapse )

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