Looks like that's it. Exeunt, stage left.And now, a song.
"Clowns in the Sky" (no, I didn't write it)
Tell me where does all the magic go
When the curtain falls to end the show
Do the clowns always cry
When they pack up the paper sky?
And the champagne is being poured
And the lock is on the old stage door
Will there still be a clown in the sky
Community, friendships, time together, they're allso fleeting. Part of the thing that's special aboutfamily, and relationships, is that they manage to endurelonger. You can grab onto one person, and a bit more loosely,to your family, and as everything else changes and falls apartand permutes, they stay there. You can build your life with themin it.
Love is special, and it's something you build your life around.For the last 8 months, I've had Debb to hold on to, to love, andto plan into my future. Love is when someone matters so much more,and there's more to it than just this, that you never want to lose themand so you make a commitment to build a future, and eventually a family.I wanted to grow old with her.
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Replacement text: Debb and I broke up.
I was thinking about moving back to Columbus, but a conversation witha good friend indicates that most of SFF has been recycled anyhow,with new members there, and most of the old members moved or moving away.
Who knows what's next? What's keeping me here? My job, and the effort tomove. Thoughts of a PhD. If there's really anything else keeping me here,I don't see it. Do I hope she'll want to try again? Yes, but that's toosmall a hope. Do I have anyplace I really want to be? Nope. Inertia isthe order of the day.
On a slightly lighter note, I've been playing with two neat pieces ofsoftware that are both about virtuality. Xnest and screen. Screen allowsterminal sessions to be connected and disconnected from, with the underlyingsession intact. You start it up, do normal unixy things like runningprograms, editing stuff, and you might go home, or perhaps lose yourconnection. You connect again, perhaps from somewhere else, and witha simple command, you can reconnect to that session, keeping all yourrunning programs. It's a bit strange to get used to, but it's really nice.Xnest is also neat, but a bit fragile. It's basically a small X implementationinside a window, in which you can run a seperate window manager or entiresession. If you want to test software that might hang X, or perhaps trya different window manager, you can run it inside Xnest, and not disturb yourmain session. Unfortunately, it's buggy and software tends to run out ofresources inside of it. Virtuality. It's possible to generalize it beyondthe computer sense, and do interesting things with the concept. Hmm.
It's probably a common thought.. but it's strange thinking of all the billionsof people, living their lives, having their philosophies, religions, routines,jobs. So much large scale patterns. It almost seems nobler, or perhaps justdemeaning, to think of times in the past where there were far fewer people...All the lives, the love, pain, hope, loss. And all the time. One of thefantasies I've sometimes had was designing an afterlife. Right now, allI really want is to be able to mix together the people and periods in lifethat made me happy, and never lose them. I always want to see those peopleI know, miss, and have friendships and stuff with, doing what they do.Maybe small towns were once more like this. People didn't tend to leave, andthey took their parents work. Change is nice, but change hurts.</private>