Pat Gunn (dachte) wrote,
Pat Gunn

Surplus Time

Dubin's not coming this weekend -- car troubles and other stuff.Hmm... so what to do.. It looks like I'll be going with R tothe going out of business sale for an Army Surplus store. I doubtI'll get anything, but it's often fun to browse..

My laptop is finally being shipped. This coming week is my lastweek before school starts. And, with that realization, I'm gettinga bit of the normal nervousness back. I remember occasionally I stillget dreams that take me back to my last quarter at OSU.. nervous overgrades, and the thought that I might've messed up one of my last classes.The dreams invariably end up being exaggerated versions of my actualworries of those times... Still, it'll be a good thing to get back ontrack for getting the PhD. I just hope my laptop arrives before classesdo, and there's sufficient time to get it configured.

So, I've been spending some time on the online matchmaker sites, and alsofriendster, which isn't exactly that, but it can be used for such purposes.I've contacted some people, and some people have contacted me. I've actuallymade some friends. Good deal. I haven't really had any dates from it -- therewas one, but I just don't think there was mutual attraction. There are somepeople who sound interesting who I'm having email conversations with thatI might meet up with at some point. Some have pictures, some don't. I wishmore did -- it helps to avoid a disappointing face-to-face meeting, if theconversations were good but there's just no attraction. I mean, there areplenty of people I might be friends with, but I want there to be mutualknowledge that that's the nature of things, if it is, as early as possible.Anyhow, here's the main thing that I got onto this topic for... There'ssomeone who's been interested in me, who I'm not attracted to, who usesmore than one of the matchmaker services. I've never really been sureabout what the etiquette for these things is -- if you're not attracted,it's been suggested to me by all my friends who use such things (who,by the way, seem to have a much easier time finding people to date. I thinkI'm too picky..) that if you're not interested, you just ignore them, anddelete the message. So, that's what I've been doing. And, of course, onthe other side, I've occasionally messaged people, and often when I do,I get no response. It's frustrating. However, when I've thought about sendinga response, I really can't think of what to say that'd be less unkind thansimply not responding -- "Sorry, I'm not interested" suggests that they'renot good enough, or something like that. Maybe the silence says it too, butat least then there's room for doubt. I could even spell out the reasonsfor some of the people who have emailed me -- apparently some reallyreligious people neglect to notice that I'm an atheist, or similar. Moreon that later. So, anyhow, I really don't know what the best thing to do.I guess I wonder if I could stand specific notes of what makes meincompatible with someone. I hope I could, and it reminds me of some timeback when someone I knew said that I looked kind of hippie-ish. I probablydid look like that back then .. heh. I wonder, if I were to tell people Iknew things about them that they'd rather not hear, if such a brief tellingcould preclude a friendship. I'm not even sure I know such things for manypeople.. but sometimes some kinds of facts or opinions are an assault onpeople's self esteem. For example, let's say that one of my friends said thatthey always thought me to be ugly. Perhaps true, perhaps they would've beenthinking it for some time. It still might be weird dealing with the knowledgethat they think of me that way, and instill some worry that I am, indeed,that way. Is it merely that some areas of statement have been so regulatedby society into the 'insult' realm that touching them invariably makes onefeel hit as if one were insulted, or is it that there are some areas that are,more or less, inherently sensitive for most people? It's like there's an areawhere there's a big out-of-bounds marker that's always there between peoplein our society who want to remain civil to each other. Anyhow, that's thethought for today. I will leave it to you, my dear reader, to judge as to ifI'm ugly, plain, attractive, or something else. That was just a theoretical :)

Hmm. Forget the later. I need to get moving and showered and stuff.

Tags: friends, love

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