Pat Gunn (dachte) wrote,
Pat Gunn

Cowboy Control Room

I'm feeling kind of melancholy and reflective.. just got back from nightmealat India Garden.. I had another migraine today.. they are, fortunately,getting less frequent, I think, but they're still worth several hours ofa painful cousin to sleep. My brain always feels kind of 'dry' before andafter them, as it does now. Anyhow, back to the melancholy.. I decided torotate my CD collection in my car, and pulled out an old CD by Don McLeanthat I have.. I got it ages ago because I liked the clever wordplay of thesong "On the Amazon", which I heard on the radio in middle school. It turnedout to be a good album -- far better than one would naturally expect fromthe author of "American Pie".. one of the songs, "Oh What a Shame" isa song that, like "Memory" from Cats, always puts me in a particular mood.It's about when the closest personal ties and promises in life end up breaking,and lonely reminiscence over that. It's strange.. all these things, thesegardens of yesterday we wander through, the stubs of plants we loved thatwe can still touch.. How it feels to think of the people, the two chosen,the three lovers, the friends.. a beautiful web without spiders.. I missthem... quite seperately, I hope for something new, with the shattered birdperhaps, or someone I have not yet met. R had an insight yesterday eveningthat still strikes me, in response to a revelation I put to her that I hadnot told to another.. The things I want in a relationship are complex -- Ineed a warm person who is guarded to the world like I am. I need someone whohas the fear and need for contact, the struggling urges.. to be happy. That'snot common.

I also poked around, and found that TMBG has a new albumcoming out soon, and has some things I didn't know about available online-only.Some of it reminds me of the "old sound" of TMBG, and so I dropped some moremoney.. This is another bad month for money :) New DSL, the timing of autoinsurance payments, and other fun.. still, it's really not that bad. I'm puttingmore time into researching ethical investing. After a brief look into Islamicinvesting, while I think the ethics involved in Islamic investing, from avoidingethically problematic areas to avoiding interest, are quite good, perhaps betterthan those involved in more vanilla ethical investing, I'm not comfortable withthe idea that they likely will prefer investment into companies that arereligiously tied or populated by muslims. I requested information instead froma group called Domini, a nonreligious American ethical investment group.

I've decided to stop pining for a compatible iPod, and instead get a 2nd-genNeuros. It plays ogg files, has abuiltin recorder that can make MP3s, and in general seems cooler. I wasthinking about the Neuros some time back, but forgot about it somehow.I think Apple captured my brain.. they do make cool, nice-looking stuff,but it's easy to forget that there are other people who make nice products.I kept on comparing the iPod to crappy products like the current-generationRio, which was dumb. Anyhow, I don't know if I want to order the Neuros now(I have decided for certain I want one, and it's probably ok to go over howmuch I like to spend in a month to do so if I'm going to get it sooner orlater anyhow) or wait for next month. It amuses me also that the highestcapacity NeurosII has a bit more disk on it than my laptop does. It'scertainly sufficient to hold my entire music collection and then some.

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These are not the clothes I had on when I went to bedAnd something else besides my hair is growing from my headAnd when I close my eyes it looks the same as when I open them againAm I awake?What time is it?"
-- TMBG, "Am I awake"
Tags: love, music

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