Earlier today, I was noticing the mouse cursor on my laptop was jiggling, and I became worried that the trackpad was broken -- it was vibrating up and down irregularly. I then noticed that it was moving in time to my heartbeat. Interesting that I was, in a sense, perturbed by my own reflection. Then just now, I managed to freak one of my cats out all the way to primal mode (I tried to pick him up and he was thrashing with claws) because I joked with him that the belt to my robe was a snake. I guess I was more convincing than I thought. ... no, actually, it wasn't that -- it turns out it was some music I was playing before that I'm playing again. A few days ago, I came across one of the rare things that cut through all my barriers and offended me deeply. It was basically an image with some text online, with the text being mega-offensive and the image driving the point home. So.. I saved it. I hope nobody comes across it years later and think it represents me in some way -- I just like to save things that leave a big impression on me, no matter the kind.
I think the fulcrum that all this is dancing around is that we often have little barriers or markers in ourselves that are much harder than the rest of us, spurring a much more gut reaction than we might normally have to things. Sometimes they belong to who we are (part of the proposed actions from understanding my value theory is that we should reorient some of these to better match who we are now and avoid surprises, and to act as bounds in moments where we may otherwise be impulsive or not have enough time to think deeply), and sometimes to who we were or to parts of ourself we don't really understand or identify with (yet?). Different people have different sets and different orientations of these -- we might even imagine the kinds of triggers that some war veterans get to be similar in nature.
Today I scanned my fourth subject (it's time for early-analysis now). I also made good headway towards a clean desk and general apartment cleaning. I sitll have more cleaning before I reach a fully moved-in period, but given that I haven't hit the one-month marker yet (I think), I'm doing pretty well.
I wonder if kids growing up today get any significant exposure to the muppets or Mr. Rogers. If not, I wonder when the real age cut-offs were.
Oy, this is going to be a busy week.