Pat Gunn (dachte) wrote,
Pat Gunn

  • Music:

Storm Drains in the Woods

Productive second phone interview - things have progressed to the point of beginning paperwork. At this point, I should probably should be thinking seriously about what I can throw/give away and start packing more seriously. I'm pretty nervous. One of the problems I had when I started to reach "crisis" a few months ago is that everything I might do felt like a mistake one way or another. Somehow this feels like a mistake too, but I can't think of anything I might do that would not feel like a mistake and staying in this limbo is no exception, so I have to ignore my feelings and leap, despite serious misgivings. I still don't like doing things that feel like they're mistakes....

Maybe on some level there really arn't any options without lots of unknowns for me, and I'm forced to reroll a lot of dice at once if I want a shot at making life goals - I also have a disinclination to make sweeping life changes without an anchor because of my childhood experiences with moving from Texas and that combines badly with turning a bunch of "unlikely happy endings" into "nevers" - I think that's what I don't like.

I provisionally believe again in happy endings, and with any luck the dice and I will work well towards finding one for me.

Idea: Use IETF-style vocabulary when constructing abstract models of government that a real movement (with all the internal disagreement and partial/full solidarity/communion that entails) could adopt. The grammar would help establish a clear pale and spur discussion on the differences between dogma (Fard), things proscribed (Haraam), and similar middling terms (mubaah, mandoob, etc).

I had a nice walk in the woods today - I was in the CMU area to enter some passwords in my ex-workplace (weird to be there again), had two lunches (one due to randomly running into Elise), and on the way back home, whim pulled me deep into Schenley Park. I sometimes wonder if I would remember the trails I used to run on were I to return to the Brecksville metroparks - remembering these things is not a matter of explicit memory so much as a collection of "it feels right to take this path given the choice I see before me" given one's goals of reaching someplace in particular.


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