Pat Gunn (dachte) wrote,
Pat Gunn

Laundry and Deterrents

Walking home: daydream about slipping from this earth to an empty one, with a tram taking me across cliffs and seasides towards home, switchovers in empty subways of Amsterdam, to a single room overlooking the cliffs, constant sound of rain. Felt entirely proper to partly open the windows to let some water splatter in, felt entirely proper that the cars were waiting for me at the transfers, no hurry, doors open until I wanted them to go. Incongruous technology for such a place, technology to serve the masses serving but one person. Realising that I often am almost entirely mentally absent from where I am...

Tonight: random invite by Kavita to watch unspecified film - turned out to be Woody Allen's "Scoop", which I previously walked out of because it stressed me out too much and then forgot. This time I managed to sit through it, and I'm still not sure if it's a good film or not - there were many points where I wanted to materialise in the film and give one of the characters a good beating, which I haven't felt before in any of his films. Before that she was finishing watching some incomprehensible TV series about some organisation struggling with the CIA for control of some artifacts a crazy inventor made hundreds of years ago, clones, and rapid-fire jumping from nation to nation. Apparently she's getting ready to lift anchor here, as are several more people I know.

On lifting anchor, I'm applying for jobs at MIT now. CMU hasn't contacted me further regarding anything I've applied for, and my mental state is spiraling downward again so... yeah. Still facing questions like "Is anything worth it?" and "Maybe one could meditate one's mind away"..

Have been pondering the process of becoming fixated with facinating people, and how it relates to most people, with whom one can predict and steer conversation to the extent that it's like driving on a road one knows by heart. My draw to those people is almost irresistable, and the disappointment when they don't want me as much as I want (one of) them is difficult.

I had a surprisingly almost-excellent salad at Panera today - the ingredients were fine and almost artful, with excellent flavour. Unfortunately, the bread in the salad wasn't sized in a way that eating it was convenient. Impractical salads...


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