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Semiformalishmaybe

Dedos enfrente del incendio

Impression:Woman "sat" in the air, one eye opened, other closed. Air was really twisted columns of air and water, interlaced as tubes around her. Pulses of change travelled through each - scents, flavours, now the thick smell of concentrated rose, now the smell of fresh-torn wood bark. Tastes in the water - the hearty smell of indian masala, metallic taste of iron, all move along as those pules move through each, offering less than a second to savour each. The columns slowly waved through each other like fine strands of seaweed in the ocean, the patterns fine enough to suggest delicacy, but her hand playfully moves through as if playing with her hair, causing new strands to form in her wake.

And all I can offer at this later time is to wonder, having seen nothing around her, no writings, no interface to anything outside her immediate environs nor any impression that she would ever move, if she was quite mad. She seemed happy, but was that the happiness of a simple or long-gone mind? Is desire so much a norm in how we relate to people that when it smeems absent, we find little enough in common with them to consider them effectively inhuman?

"To learn to rob memories of their potency" .. a guilty task, perhaps a risky one.

Memory:Ohio Stater - Apartment complex in one corner of OSU campus proper - I lived there for a time with a significant other - it was probably the least expensive place I've ever lived. Tiny single-room apartments smaller than the bedroom in my current apartment with no closets, bathrooms shared by the 30+ rooms on the floor, a place of crowded despair. Only a few people there were students, most of them adult (often old) workers in a fast-food place nearby. I wasn't able to unpack my car into the room, so for the time I lived there most of my belongings went with me whenever I drove anywhere.

Situation ended when I had a chance long conversation with another CS Undergrad who lived in a house with a room free - in retrospect, maybe living with other people, particularly geeks, isn't that bad for me after all. Maybe things would be going more easily for me if I felt part of a household again (well, not family). I suspect this would be hard to arrange at this point though...

Strange urges to go camping, to rewrite the past and discover lost potentials... alternating moments of hope of turning things around and despair. Still laughing at how for a time I felt trapped in relationships when it became clear they were going sour, and how different that feels to this percieved vast emptiness.

Went jogging for a bit tonight.. Schenley Park and Squirrel Hill are nice at night. People who arn't night owls miss out on so much (although I suppose morning people have their own secrets). I miss long walks in the evening with other people.

Comments

"I wasn't able to unpack my car into the room, so for the time I lived there most of my belongings went with me whenever I drove anywhere."

Damn, that is a sad image. As are the fast food workers.