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Semiformalishmaybe

Far on the Other Side of Midnight

From a very late walk home that would've taken 45 minutes if I had been 「on task」 but instead turned into a 2-3 hour adventure:

Seeing glimpses through windows into the homes of all the people I don't know, impression of heimheit. All the little things that we use to carve out a bit of space for ourself, greater subjective size inside a building than not. Homes as reinvented caves. It's strange to realise that thousands of such homes I have passed on the trip from point A (near Garfield/Bloomfield) to point B. It seems strange to think of the disparity in meaning on some level, although I guess that's a feature of modern civilisation - that society is so large that the having a private-public sphere (individual-tribe) with a close to 1:1 visibility ratio is not doable. I got a vague sense of happiness thinking in the abstract of all the people living in all these varied places.

Are these perspectives valuable? As I passed through lower SqHill (CMU area) and onwards to home, I tried to think of a use for all this stuff - this kind of thing fits into my notion of "seeing parts of the big picture of humanity as it is now", but its application is pretty limited. At the very least, were my life to turn around and I to establish a relationship with someone and have kids, I could possibly offer better initial ways of looking at things for said kids. Is that all this stuff is good for? In theory, it might help me reach better conclusions/analyses of modern life (possibly relevant to political/social musings), in aggregate with a lot of others of its kind. It's probably not harmful, although stepping outside oneself and one's culture might be fuel for the alienation I feel. Maybe that feeling of vague love for humanity and happiness in some of its accomplishments helps my character a bit.

Today: will be spent partly in the Beehive if I can get down there before everything closes. Another lonely day.

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