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Semiformalishmaybe

Wilting Fingers, Inverted Trees

Woke up, again had strong urges to be around people and had to tell myself that that this is like every other day. Moseyed over to Paris666 to have a delicious lunch, but neglected to remember they have a gap between lunch and dinner. There's a Mad Scientist Cupcake next door (or something else that has some odd name -- Cupcake Mechanic? Food Laboratory?) that I went to instead that had the most amazing cupcake frosting (but being run by Americans, the obligatory try of their Croissants was a failure). My damned instincts to both hide and to seek out company don't seem to be willing either to look at reality or at each other - felt kinda shaky and wandered around for a bit, then spotted the long woodsy road to T'd'O - I hadn't been to their proper location for awhile, so off I walked and here I am. Food is of slightly higher quality here than their CMU location, and it's interesting to see the different crowd.

So far just been chewing on ideas while chewing on the sandwich - spotted the owner and mentioned Té Café's closure as a possible opportunity, was surprised to hear that not only was I not the first person to mention the idea (4th or 5th, in less than a week of having the closure be known to anyone but the two owners), but someone else had actually offered the needed capital to do it - problem is there's too much on the owner's plate to take on another burden. It's nice to think that some other people are trying to save the place - it's not unreasonable to think that there are others who value the culture and crowd that the place gathered as much as I do.

Maybe kind of appropriately, T'd'O's playing some of the most depressing music I've ever heard - almost on par with 「Ruined Landscape」 from the 「Neverending Story soundtrack」.

I wonder if it should be considered a big that reloading doesn't work properly in most browsers for URLs that contain an anchor. This, like how bash occasionally gets confused about where the cursor is in prompts that have bold in them, has long bugged me.

It does feel a bit small to be so bothered by the closing of a business, but then stepping back with enough difference, the grand cycle of life - youth, education, work, family, old age .. feels kind of small too.

Over the last few months, I've come to think that the financial bailout wasn't done right, and that creation of new institutions using those funds and heavy new regulation (aimed at bringing the "financial services" market much more narrowly towards things directly justifiable in terms of decentralised judgement on use of resources - ) would've been a better response. Deliberative, slow-moving investments of this sort produce less instability and are not so alien to the public good (quant firms, IMO, offer nothing worthwhile and much negative to society - the foundations of their business need to be chopped away).

Also, I am pleased that the current administration is willing to threaten an end to the special relationship the US has with Irael if it doesn't cease its stupidity over settlements. I don't know if the problem can reasonably be solved without far more drastic measures - the rule of law and social status quo has produced an impasse that might require uncomfortable actions to resolve (e.g. announcing and then bombing provocative settler villages, forcing universal bicultural public schools without Zionist components (partly or wholly replacing Yeshivot and Madrarisa)). Continued land grabs and population games are not substantially different than Hamas' missles (both of which are practically guaranteed to have a destructive response). This ties into general thoughts about morality - I am certain that were I transplanted into times past with the knowledge I have, I would've done a number of things to steer societies in ways that are not justifiable in individual morality - given that kind of knowledge, I think conventional morality is insufficient and preventing the greater harm, when known, is a fair reason for people to do something (although this should not be recognised by even a fairly ideal system of law and should always be a "legally, you're taking a risk of sacrificing yourself by the law" kind of being good).

Feeling a bit bad for the times I've been obnoxious in groups, maybe that was part of my fear or weariness of people rearing its head, or maybe this whole "disrupt groupthink" thing is something I have yet to learn a lesson about.

The rain has taken away the remnants of snow. This morning I discovered a part of the property I'm renting that I never spotted before. As I turned to head out for today's adventures, one of the frum kids from the shared backyard stared at me from the window - maybe appropriate, as I wondered if a much younger version of myself would've explored the place I'm renting more throughly. As nice as it can be to have adventures of the mind, it seems I've given up a lot on the wandering around playfully things I remember (apart from the occasional "going on a long walk" thing, where I'm hardly occupying my body anyhow).

Recently I've tried (and failed, badly) to fulfill my dream of a collection of erotic poetry written in leetspeak (really, more the older, original dialect that I'm familiar with based on having been part of BBS and early hacker culture), but I did manage some rather silly, geeky poems based on the Hayes modem commands. This confirms that for all my other interests, I remain a computer geek. (p.s. anyone who has successfully written erotic poetry in leetspeak (with ideally the old hacker sense of humour - no sense in just translating existing stuff), please share with the world).

Again been wandering, were I to want to, how might I best get the old files (RIPScrip and other content) that comprised my BBS off of their floppies and into some easily presentable form. A much younger me promised himself that once I finished with university, I'd restore the BBS somewhere - technology clearly has moved on, but it might be cute to at least get the content back in some form.

(Supplemental: I never thought to consider Free-Nets as being the American counterpart to France's Minitel before - just randomly made the connection. Also, if I were still contributing to Wikipedia (and felt comfortable relying on my own memories rather than using sourced material), there's a whole lot of stuff I could write about BBS culture and history as well as 80s/90s hacker culture - it seems the current articles are woefully inadequate on a lot of areas. Oh well..)

On the other side of the aisle in T'd'O, a couple is making out a bit more openly than they probably should in public - I think I once might've known the girl, or someone who looks like her. She has an attractive face, but is a bit fatter than I'd like, but I still envy them. A bit uncomfortable, after a few hours of sketching and thinking, maybe I'm ready to go back to Paris666, which should be open for dinner now, I think. It's one of the few worthwhile places in town I know of where I haven't yet memorised what their food tastes like, a place with no memories of other times, people.

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