Pat Gunn (dachte) wrote,
Pat Gunn

Comatose with Cartilage

Today: Had a nice long walk in the woods, then terrible migraine, then as it faded I went to Oakland to seek out something for dinner (wasn't sure where I was going to go) ended up spotting alternative-indian-place and went there. Ended up seated right by a couple where the gal was delivering that awful "my passion for you has died down and I need to think about things" speech. I can't speak for every possible relationship, and likely the things I have to say have no validity outside of secular western culture, but I think that that speech, however well intentioned, has difficulty leading to what it's trying to do.

As far as I can understand, the genuine intent of it is usually a simple admission of passion fading - the deliverer is trying to bring it up because communication is usually good in a relationship, and having a change in the status of it should not happen out of the blue. In theory, it's either a dropped fact that isn't actionable (just informational), or it's an indication that the parties should draw back a bit and reflect on things, to a state where they could theoretically recover and go on.

The problem is, while communication is usually good, this kind of communication probably is not. Relationships, as I've occasionally advised people in the past, are like sharks - they need to keep moving to survive. Once they're far enough along, removing the faith that keeps them satisfying deeply undermines them - one could no more expect blood to keep moving in a person if we remove their heart "to let it rest" than we could expect that "reevaluative" state to be realistic.

Relationships can survive other types of failures and setbacks, but the "I just don't feel that way about you anymore" is usually, I claim, either a transition to a shell of a relationship or a sign of its impending demise.

It's a bit of a sensitive topic for me - I've long worried that in relationships I'm capable of nothing more than being the dependable, caring, kind guy to whom real passion is never affixed - maybe my relationship history bears this. I imagine the last five years of being single and largely celibate haven't helped. Either way, it was slightly amusing to watch her express surprise that he was emotionally backing away for the rest of their dinner, and a big relief when they left the place.

I wish the migraine would make up its mind on whether it's here or not - it's surprisingly not Pittsburgh enough (Pittsburgh doesn't delineate very strongly between winter and summer, and it just switches rapidly between the two where fall and spring should be - unfortunately I often am in a state of half-migraine).

I wasn't aware that the oil spill was *that bad*, but I got a bit curious and on investigation, it's a very big deal.


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