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Semiformalishmaybe

Furnishing the Commune

Last week, I visited Pittsburgh for the first time since I moved away. (INTROSPECTION AHOY)

It was a good trip, and it gave me a lot to think about. Leaving Pittsburgh was a good kick-in-the-pants, but it really wasn't otherwise productive; visiting back, I realised I have plenty of social ties back there that I always could've drawn on, but the pain of feeling alone was something I was preserving. I'm not sure why, but that pain had come to feel like home, and even though it was messing me up I could not really get rid of it because I had forgotten who I was without it. I'm remembering a bit more of that now, but I'm not sure I'll ever really be whole in the way I was in Columbus before the incidents. Maybe there'll always be some part of me that craves that pain.

If I were living back in Pittsburgh, I might fall back into those habits, although it is very tempting to return once my lease is up. I am still in love with the city, and my daily quality-of-life there was much much higher than it is here. That said, I'm trying to explore Philadelphia a bit more. This month I bought a railpass, which should encourage me to travel more. Already my explorations of the area have found me a few nice places. I doubt I shall ever love Philadelphia as a whole (not a lot of charm, and the crime rate is worrisome), but maybe I'll come to find it okay. I am still amused that I occasionally overhear other mislaid Pittsburghers here complaining about the city.

So far, the railpass has brought me into the city proper today, where I'm enjoying a comfy couch at Mugshots. I have a surprising amount of things to read, write, and answer, as well as jobs in many cities to apply for.

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