Pat Gunn (dachte) wrote,
Pat Gunn

Momentum and Emotion

Sometimes when I think about the passage of time, I feel an almost physical panic - that I'm not interacting deeply enough with people around me, that precious moments are going by. At other times, I don't really notice - so much of this is just mental momentum, I think. I used to think that whenever I don't feel this urge to grasp at everyting going by, I wasn't really being fully conscious - this is sometimes true in that I generally tend to be happier when I'm thinking less of the past, and a lot of that tends to be because I'm generally not thinking as deeply, but sometimes I'm self-aware and pretty happy. I think a lot of this is like a temporal vertigo, or a sense of falling triggering an urge to hang onto something or someone. Sometimes it just takes a song to remind me of these things, and sometimes it's seeing other people who have fascinated me in some way and wondering where they'll be in a few years, which at least partially suggests to me, "elsewhere, away from me, probably living their entire life without ever seeing me again". I don't feel quite as real at that point because I imagine I'll eventually be forgotten, like a character in a novel after the novel ends. It bugs me a bit when I feel forgotten while I'm still here, and I feel that all too often. When I get a bit less sentimental or find other things to think about, the load lifts..

The hummus at the greek place is really quite good. I've been in the good for Hummus a lot recently, especially with olives mixed in. Tasty!


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