Pat Gunn (dachte) wrote,
Pat Gunn
dachte

Cruelty in Love

There is a great cruelty in making clear to someone that they're not someone you love-in-that-way at-this-time, and I still feel hurt and angry from each time that I've been on the receiving end of that, just as I feel guilt for each time I've been on the sending end. Yet without that pain, there's no way to prevent the emotional bonds from forming that would be an abomination if one-sided, which is why people must remember that it is a necessary, even productive pain in the right circumstances.

Those who never give or receive this are doing love wrong; there may be ways to achieve partial or full safety (divide one's affections among many, treat one's preferred partner gender as a sex toy, and so on), but they diminish joy as much as they diminish pain; the intimacy of two people is worth the experiences needed to get there.

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